Porterism Law #2 I make most of my keenest observ…

Porterism Law #2

I make most of my keenest observations when I am out and about amongst people, because you can say anything you want about the average person, but you can’t learn a lot from them until you watch them in action.

A couple of weeks ago I was at the bus stop, waiting for my bus and sipping on a cup of coffee from the tobacconist shop inside the mall. I go there because the husband and wife behind the counter are very friendly, the coffee is good and I don’t have to wait in line like I would if I went across the street to Tim Horton’s.

So I’m sitting there with my coffee, minding my own business when this woman comes up to me and says “I’m here to give you shit!”

“Huh?” was the most intelligent reply I could muster.

“I saw you with a cup of coffee and I don’t have enough for one. How can you drink that shit? I only drink Tim’s coffee.”

I look at my cup and shrug. “Tastes all right to me.”

“Well, I only drink Tim’s coffee… they’re a Canadian company and I support Canadian companies.”

“No they’re not.”

“What?”

“Tim Horton’s is not a Canadian company. They’re owned by Wendy’s, which is an American company.”

She gave me a look as if I had just slapped her in the face. “No it’s not!”

“Actually,” a third woman who joined the conversation added, “I’m afraid he’s right. Tim Horton’s is owned by an American company.”

She stormed off. Was she pissed!

And I know why she was pissed. She believed in the multi-million dollar advertising campaign that brands Tim Horton’s as an icon of Canadiana. And not just her. Many people do. Tim’s is something we all grew up with, and we identify it within ourselves. When the Bank of Canada issued the Remembrance Day quarter, it wasn’t banks that were charged with issuing the coin to the general public. It was Tim Horton’s, because Tim’s presence was many times that of any bank. It was Tim Horton’s that opened a location at the Canadian Forces Base in Khandahar in Afghanistan. But the Tim Horton’s of today hardly resembles the Tim Horton’s of twenty years ago. The difference here is that Tim’s is an American company branding itself Canadian. And just about everyone swallows it.

As a Porterist you will not believe everything that you read, even if I write it. You will QUESTION EVERYTHING.

As an aside to the usual fare, I am now officially ordained as a clergy member in the Church of Spiritual Humanism. Among other things, I am authorized by the Church to perform marriages, funerals and other religious services. If anyone would like to be married or have their funeral services performed in the Porterist manner, please contact me for details. Restrictions apply, and my services may not be available in all areas.

This notice hereby confirms that:

XXX Porter
XXX XXXXX XXX Ave.
XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX
Canada

is an ordained member of the clergy of The Church of Spiritual Humanism

Date of Ordination: July 24, 2006
Ordained by R. A. Zorger, President
http://www.SpiritualHumanism.org

The Church of Spiritual Humanism is happy to inform you that your ordination request has been reviewed and approved, and you are now an officially ordained clergy member. You are now entitled to all privileges and courtesies normally offered to ordained members of the clergy. The record of your ordination has been entered into the official permanent records of the Church of Spiritual Humanism. Ordinations by the Church of Spiritual Humanism are for life, and are awarded completely free and without monetary charge. Please print or otherwise preserve this notice for your records. As an ordained member of the clergy, you are hereby authorized by the CSH to officiate religious rites and ceremonies, including marriage, baby naming, funeral services, invocations, and holiday ceremonies, as permitted and subject to the laws and regulations of your country, state, and municipality. It is important that before you officiate any civil ceremony (such as marriages), you know and comply with all laws governing your locality. The Church of Spiritual Humanism promotes religion based on reason. As a member of the CSH clergy it is your charge to strive to base your actions on, and influence others to be motivated by, deliberation and reason and not the irrational, emotional, or subjective. Furthermore your responsibilities are to peacefully follow the proper course of action, and to avoid infringing on the rights of others. You alone are responsible for your actions as a member of the clergy.

Thanks for helping make the world a better place,

R. A. Zorger,
President Church of Spiritual Humanism

~ by porterism on July 26, 2006.